We are now, if you have been practicing, getting used to the idea that we are people with value. There are parts of us we like, that make us smile and we are beginning to accept the parts we do not like so much but that are all a part of making us, us.  Hopefully you are starting to see your own value and your right to be valued by others, you are starting to see how you are an important piece of the world you live in and that you give support and kindness to others. It takes time to like yourself and to reflect on who you are and what you have to offer. If you are still struggling here is a simple exercise to help you.

Imagine you are walking towards a church and there are many people you know walking in the same direction, as you get closer it becomes obvious you are going to a funeral. Inside the church you take a pew at the back and your partner or best friend stands to give the eulogy.  You suddenly realise this is your funeral and your eulogy; What would you like to hear and what sort of person would you like to be recognised as? I doubt you will want to hear about material things although maybe they may be mentioned, but usually they are about kindness, love and empathy. Write that eulogy and then look at how much of that person you already are and work towards the rest.  I think you will be surprised at how many examples of good qualities you can think of and that you have demonstrated.

You are discovering the inner workings of you and shaping the way you are happy in your skin and you are doing this without outside influences. Someone may always refer to you as stupid but when you look inside you will see you are not and you know you are not because you have achieved things in your life that prove you are not, and once you see this for yourself then the facts become clear and you will see the person who is saying these things is projecting their own fears on to you. Trying to build themselves up at your expense, or trying to hold onto your attention by making you think that you could not possibly be attractive to someone else. This is why it is important we look really hard inside ourselves and like the person there. To look inside and see our truth and then we do not have to rely on someone else telling us what we are or where our value lies. As you practice you will find it easier and easier to see your good points and your value and then we will be ready to move forwards and learn how to protect this valuable newly discovered us and start to form meaningful and healthy relationships.

Now you may be thinking, this is all very well but I have done some bad things in my life, made bad choices, hurt others or been involved in things that certainly do not make me a good person. It is right people call me names because I am those things they call me. You may feel shame because of your past but here are three facts for you to think about……..

People do the best they can with the resources available to them.

Your past is not your future, and you can choose who you want to be from this day forward.

If you recognise a bad decision in your past it means you are capable of making a right decision in your future.

I am going to leave this here for you to think about, feel free to comment about how the process is going for you and what you have learned about yourself or if you are still struggling. In the next section I will give you some ideas of how to maintain this new way of thinking and new way of living and valuing yourself.